Killing Boris softly with this song… or a perspex rod… whatever

I feel compelled to follow up on my recent post about possibly killing Boris Johnson. It seems that if you describe an urge to murder a major political figure you garner attention; about 140 new readers and counting. Not staggering in megablog numbers I know; but quite a few for my little ditty.

So I’d like to say a big hello to all the Special Branch who might be reading this (or at least to their automated Google alerts).

Secondly, I’d like to fully explain my plan.  “Project Pushy Perspex Rod Prod”as I call it.

I think murdering a high profile politician as he commutes to work is likely to get attention… the kind of attention that results in congratulatory letters, a lucrative film deal and jail time. It’s that last one that gets me. So I need a ninja-like assassination plan. Enter “Project Pushy Perspex Rod Prod”.

A perspex rod, while sturdy enough for a good shove, should remain invisible to security cameras.

Please see my mock up below of how I envisage this working (obviously I welcome any comments):

Next time I’m going to push Boris under a bus

I’m having a moral dilenma. I hate Boris Johnson. I really *really* hate him and everything his comedy-mayorship stands for. A dumbing down of politics and proof of a self-serving fickle populace.

Odd that I now find his life in my hands. 

Every second day or so, as I pass over London Bridge on the way to work, I am confronted by his corpulent form. Every day I see this cartoon character (resembling in no small way one of the characters from Chorlton and the Wheelies) careening toward me.

That no one else seems to notice him I choose to take as a sign of my own keen powers of observation rather than evidence of my going slowly mad in a Fight-Clubesque fashion.

The first few times I was caught by surprise. But now… now I think “should I stretch now; accidentally prodding him into that bus… would that be obvious on the cameras….?” … Is the solution a long perspex rod? Invisible on cameras but long and sturdy enough I could be assured of his bloody demise?