What do you do with a night to yourself?
Me? I go to a market during the day (http://www.broadwaymarket.co.uk/) and buy a thick cut of rump steak as large as my head.
I introduce this slab of succulence in passing to some heat on a griddle. “Hello Mr. Griddle”. “Hello, Mr.Steak” they say jovially as Mr.Steak takes centre stage. Then I serve a backing band of asparagus, pear and rocket salad with a sherry & balsamic vinegar dressing. I melt an exceptional gorgonzola over the meat and tuck in.
I follow this with a leisurely cigarette or two and, some time later, a cheese board with some apples. To finish the night I put the beer and wine away and round the repast off with a double whiskey on ice with some single-estate Peruvian chocolate.
All to the sounds and visions of Korean ultraviolent movies.
And then I get gout.
This is what my evening looks like:
Waxy's all about the Fromage 
it’s all fine. Better than fine. Bar one simple thing. Gorgon-fuckin-zola !!
Dude, you have the sophistication of a ten year old yokel from Cork.
and you sir have the palette of a syphilitic ape.